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  • Writer's pictureCarrie Pestritto

Congrats to Ivy!

Updated: Dec 19, 2021

The first query critique winner of 2019 is Ivy—congrats! 

Here is her original query:

And here is my critique:

So although I'm completely for more romances featuring minority characters and am also happy to see real-life concerns of disabled or handicapped people, I had a few issues with this query that I think you'll want to fix.

First off, I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of having characters with disabilities who are secondary characters, as their portrayal can often come across as two-dimensional and plot device-y.  How does Aaron's son factor into the story besides as a motivator for his father to remarry?  Does he have a specific role in the story, even though he is an infant?  If so, I think you will want to expand on that a bit more so that we see his importance and personality.


Secondly, I think you have to fine tune the way Aaron comes across in this query.  At the moment, he doesn't seem like a romantic hero--he feels a bit insensitive and I think there is a lot of room to revise and make him more swoon-worthy and also to explain the reasoning behind his motivations for the reader.

I hope you take these thoughts as encouragement rather than let yourself get upset by them.  As I mentioned, I think this needs thoughtful revision, but everyone starts somewhere and being smart and open enough to ask others for critical opinions is a really good first step.  Best of luck with this!

Everyone else, if you have any helpful thoughts to share, the comments section is for you!


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