Congrats to Ivy!

Updated: Mar 24, 2020



The first query critique winner of 2019 is Ivy—congrats! 


Here is her original query:


And here is my critique:


So although I'm completely for more romances featuring minority characters and am also happy to see real-life concerns of disabled or handicapped people, I had a few issues with this query that I think you'll want to fix.


First off, I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of having characters with disabilities who are secondary characters, as their portrayal can often come across as two-dimensional and plot device-y.  How does Aaron's son factor into the story besides as a motivator for his father to remarry?  Does he have a specific role in the story, even though he is an infant?  If so, I think you will want to expand on that a bit more so that we see his importance and personality.

 

Secondly, I think you have to fine tune the way Aaron comes across in this query.  At the moment, he doesn't seem like a romantic hero--he feels a bit insensitive and I think there is a lot of room to revise and make him more swoon-worthy and also to explain the reasoning behind his motivations for the reader.


I hope you take these thoughts as encouragement rather than let yourself get upset by them.  As I mentioned, I think this needs thoughtful revision, but everyone starts somewhere and being smart and open enough to ask others for critical opinions is a really good first step.  Best of luck with this!


Everyone else, if you have any helpful thoughts to share, the comments section is for you!


#QueryCritique

21 views1 comment

Recent Posts

See All