This month's lucky query critique winner is Andrea — yay for you!
Here is her original pitch letter:
And here is my critique:
Domestic suspense has been experience a huge surge of popularity ever since the release of Gillian Flynn's GONE GIRL and it's looking like it's here to stay! I myself am totally enamored with this particular subgenre and this project sounds kind of like a female STRANGERS ON A TRAIN with a modern-day twist, which I like a lot, especially since I think the unreliable narrator route is starting to feel a bit overdone and therefore harder to do well.
My edits, as you've seen, mostly serve to ratchet up the tension in the query letter itself. One of my favorite things to say about queries is that they should read like back cover copy, e.g. fast-paced, taut, and compelling. We are missing a bit of that sense of urgency here, which is essential given the premise!
You have a very interesting story, Andrea, and I hope my critique is helpful as you begin to reach out to agents. Best of luck! If anyone else has any thoughts to share, please comment.